Wondercon - Part 2 - awa Travels

We return for our second article on WonderCon!

Heroes and Villains

Heroes would be bored and boring if not for the villains. We celebrate both.

Can you name them all? If you can, you need to get out more!

Some of these guys, like Wolverine, seem to always be angry. And there is an unnatural abundance of Captain America, Spiderman, and Deadpool.

Lady Heroes and Villains.

Some Heroes and Villains need to have a secret identity. Other’s just put it out there. No one knows why.

Friends become foes, for some reason.

You would think they would learn to all get along. After all, if all villains are vanquished, what would heroes do?

Don’t judge a man by his looks.

Joe may be uglier than the average joe, but he’s doing something right with the ladies, that’s for sure.

Comic crossover.

At WonderCon, alternate universes collide and no one cares.

Holy boobs, Batman!

She wouldn’t need a magic lasso to get me to tell the truth: I like boobs.

Don’t get too close to that flower…

Yeah, I’m starting to see a connection between Superheroes and super boobs.

I’m talkin’ to you, moron.

What did she do that caused her mouth to rip open like that? Might be a tragic tale, or it might not be…

Archers, ready your arrows.

In the world of Superheroes, shooting an arrow is probably the lamest super power.

Is this thing even street-legal?

Batman riding the batcycle, or Catwoman riding the batcycle in The Dark Knight Rises? No contest, right?

Hellspawn are a species of demon who are controlled by Malebolgia, and are mainly used as an officer corps for his army of Hell. Betcha didn’t know that.

No matter how dorky a superhero or supervillain is, they always have a hot girl. Fact.

“I am tho thor right now…”

Is that Jan Foster, aka Valkyrie, or just a gentler, kinder Thor, God of Thunder? Either way, she’s pretty cute.

I wonder if he sets off the alarm when he goes through Airport Security.

Yup, the Wolverine is perpetually angry about something. Like, relax dude. You’re pretty much invulnerable. What do you have to be worried about?

No, she’s not giving you the finger.

Superheroes should fight for equality. Including gender and sex equality. Including the right to bear your chest, just like boy Wolverine gets to do.

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Here are a few more Supers for you to enjoy!

Captain America

Yes, WonderCon has an abundance of Captain Americas. I suspect it’s because the costume is comfortable and easy to order online.

Nice shoes, dude.

The Captain has a virtually indestructible shield. So, if he and his lady friend with the rifle fight together, it would be a pretty one-sided battle. Like, who would be a bad guy with these two fighting for good?

Lady Crime Fighters.

Lady Crime Fighters tend to have smaller accoutrements and smaller clothes because, why not?

Wrong shield, dude.

The first edition of Captain America comics featured Captain with a shield similar to the one being held by the soldier. However, the creators of Pep Comic complained that it looked too much like their character The Shield, so they had to change it to the familiar bullseye shield we see today.

A happy Captain.

All Captain Americas should be this happy. And this cute. Like, she’d convince you to stop being bad with just her smile.

Bare-midriff Captain America.

I suppose, when it’s warm outside, it’s important to have a summer outfit. Kinda like Captain America: The Summer Soldier.

Prepare to be punched, villain!

Here we see that the secret of Captain America slim physique is a corset.

Supergirl

Supergirl has had a number of iterations. The original, current, and most well-known Supergirl is Kara Zor-El, the cousin of Superman.

Classic Supergirl.

Yes, they made her the cousin of Superman because Kryptonians have the same prohibitions against pregnancy with closely-related people as did 1950s Earthlings. But, come on. This is the only woman on the planet who Superman can ejaculate into without killing her. And Supergirl’s kegel muscles would pinch off a human penis when she orgasmed. So you know these two were at it like teenagers.

Alternate Universe Supergirl.

In this universe, Supergirl is short and wears large black boots. Still, she has a nice smile, don’t you think?

Cheesecake Supergirl.

Does Supergirl wear panties? Would she need to? Would she want to?

Blonde Supergirl.

Supergirl, having super hair, can never cut it. Fortunately, Kryptonian girls do not have any other body hair, so it’s not an issue in other places.

Superdog!

For reasons known only to them, Kryptonians sent a couple animals to Earth as it was exploding. Not enough to repopulate, even the same species. What was the point of that?

Star Wars

Star Wars was a 1977 film, retroactively subtitled Episode IV: A New Hope, was followed by the sequels Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980. These two movies were good. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983) was a sad ending to that trilogy, The prequel trilogy, consisting of Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999), Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002), and Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005) were stupid and people could barely sit through them. In 2012, Lucas sold his production company to Disney, relinquishing his ownership of the franchise. And we don’t talk about those episodes. Ugh.

Can you name them all? If you can, you need to get out more!

Here we have some of the gang. Conspicuously missing is Luke (named after George Lucas). Don’t know why Luke couldn’t make it. But probably, HE’S BUSY SAVING THE GALAXY!!!

You can guard me anytime, ma’am.

There’s only about seven women in the whole Star Wars universe. And almost none of them human. Fact.

She’s feeling blue.

In a world with blasters, with The Force, with laser cannons and Death Stars, with lightsabers…why are you trying to fight with a knife? And those fatty deposits hanging off your head are really going to screw up your balance. This will not end well, for you.

Again with the knife!

“Oh, I missed him with my shot gun and with my pistol. Surely I’m good enough to kill him with my knife.” Not.

Why so angry?

Why did that guy grow horns? Did they ever explain that? And why would a lady who is a fighter (note the lightsaber) choose to wear such an uncomfortable outfit rather than simple robes?

The lightsaber matches her skin. Nice.

I have only positive thoughts about this person. Very positive.

Luke!

Luke, looking a bit different than I remember, finally makes an appearance carrying Kermit on his back.

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Behold even more Star Wars folks.

Tusken Raiders

The Tusken Raiders are xenophobic and are known to be aggressive in their interactions with other species, though they are capable of compromise and cooperation with outsiders. They dress in heavy cloth robes, and cover their heads with strips of cloth to secure a breath mask and eye protection. They learned to train the Banthas native to Tatooine as mounts, and a marauding group of Tuskens will ride them single file, to hide their numbers.

A face only a mother could love.

Since we know that humans can survive in the Jundland Wastes, we know that either Tusken Raiders are very alien and must wear these things on their face and head in order to survive, or they were hideously disfigured in a volcano and must wear these things on their face and head in order to survive, or they are just plain ugly. Like, would you date this guy?

What are they always yelling about?

This is another case of folks who just seem to be angry all the time. Dude, chill.

There’s a story here.

I think the Raiders just raided a bunch of chocolate, and this fellow indulged, not understanding that it leaves a mess. Well, he looks happy; he’s not shaking a stick or a gun at me, so I have to assume.

Princess Leah

Princess Leah was a Star Wars character who famously kissed her brother to make her brother’s friend jealous, was a giant worm’s love toy, wore a metal bikini, in real life aged horribly from drug use, and died on a commercial airplane with cocaine, heroin, other opiates, and MDMA in her system. However, we like to remember her when she was still young and crispy.

There can be only one.

You can never have too many Leah Organa girls around. Also, George Lucas: nice name for a character; nothing suggestive about that name at all.

Leah when she was a teenager.

I’m sure, as a princess on Alderaan, Leah studied all the arts, including how to handle a blaster. Question: Luke had a natural affinity for using a lightsaber. Why didn’t Leah?

Nice buns, baby.

George Lucas, as reported by Carrie Fisher, famously said, “There’s no underwear in space.” However, even in Earth’s fairly heavy gravity well, that doesn’t seem to be an issue for any of our Leah’s here at WonderCon.

Leah: You are my slave.

Why did Jabba the Hutt have a thing for humanoids? Why didn’t he have sexy slug as slaves? I mean, if you were a crime lord, would you keep slug slaves or slaves of your own species if you were looking for erotic stimulation?

Oh, no!

We were never told how Princess Leah ended up in Jabba castle. I suspect she was just minding her own business, sunning herself in a metal bikini, when someone with pasty skin wearing a short-sleeved white shirt grabbed her, put this shiny gold collar on her, and brought her to Jabba. Yeah, you’d think a princess would always have royal guards protecting her, and you’d be wrong.

Star Trek

Star Trek, while having much more depth of development, examining cultural and moral issues, and having Seven of Nine and Michael Burnham, is surprisingly less popular than Star Wars.