Life in London

Our adventure in London continues!

“Let’s go to London for the delicious food!” said no one ever. Okay, I’ll take that back. About 10% of Londoners are Indian or Pakistani, about 8% are African, about 4% are Caribbean, etc. All in all, only about 36% classified themselves as “white British” in the 2021 London census. So it’s more realistic to think of the average Londoner as Naomi Campbell rather than Michael Caine or any of those sickly-looking blokes in the British Royal family.

But, I digress.

London Cuisine

After a long day of Londoning, we go to The Windmill Pub and Rooms for some authentic British beer. We drink both Guinness and Young’s, hoping to decide which is better. Which is, of course, foolish. No one should have to choose between two good beers.

Normally, we do not eat bar food. Diarrhea waiting to happen, right? But The Windmill bills itself as serving “Proper classics (like your Nan cooked, but better) hefty cuts of premium steaks, daily special dishes and naughty-but-nice puddings.” I never cooked my Nan, so I can’t substantiate that claim. But at least the serving is not just a bunch of blood pudding, spotted dick, or haggis.

We also drink at The Rookery Clapham, a fine drinking establishment where, if you pay in cash, they cannot make change.

Rather, they give you more beer until the amount of beer you drink matches what you paid. Well, I guess I do enjoy the barter system sometimes.

Behold the Golden Tours Tea Bus. You have to remember that, in London, “tea” can mean tea, or it can mean an entire meal. This one seems to be offering cupcakes and flat donuts. Yum! Also, in England, a hen party is not a bunch of gossipy women gossiping, it’s the girl’s equivalent of a stag party.

There is a problem, however. The English Tea Bus providing food and drink on a 90-minute tour does not provide a loo. You just have to hold it. Thus, we did not indulge.

An establishment, which will remain nameless, has a bottle of Dom Pérignon for 15,000 pounds (about USD 20,000). We don’t know if that includes the chocolate bar.

M&M’s

M&M’s is a sugar-coated dragée chocolate made by Mars Inc. London has a museum dedicated to this candy.

Yes, there are many things that melt in my mouth…but that’s a story for another time.

I never knew there were so many types of M&M’s. Nor did I ever care. Still here we are, enjoying a museum in London, so, that’s good.

Note that the candy you see is not just for show. You can select them for purchase.

On the wall of the stairs to other levels of the museum, they show the history of the candy. It was represented as a racial characterization in the 1950s, then as candy of color. It went to school for a few decades. In 1997, it became a stripper. In 2019, it joined a gang.

Yes, M&Ms have had a rich and diverse life.

This would be such a nice chandelier, if I only had a tall-enough ceiling in my house.

I included this just to remind you that we are in England. You’re welcome.

Bobbies

I know you got excited, but it “bobbies”, not “boobies”.

Bobbies, also known as peelers, were named after Robert Peel, who is said to have established a modern police force in London in the early 1800s.

For reasons, a car with a California Highway Patrol symbol is parked on a neighborhood street. I don’t think it really is a CHP vehicle, mostly because it’s not in California and does not have California plates, etc. In fact, I’m pretty sure you count not drive such a vehicle in America except in a parade.

I don’t know if it reads “scumban” or “scumball”. Either way, I don’t get it. Anyway, let’s move on, shall we?

It’s cool they have such a sign: Do not touch the horse. Yes, there are folks who will approach a military fellow holding a weapon and mess with his horse.

He joined the force to serve and protect, and he sits on his arse for too long, wearing a silly hat and holding a sword, watching tourists have all kinds of fun. I would be sad, too.

You will notice that these bobbies do not need a sign telling tourist to keep their distance. Just move along…

Apparently, the motto of the London Mounted Police is “Talk to the hand”. Yes, ma’am!

Phantom of the Opera

Since we are in London, we avail ourselves to visit His Majesty’s Theatre (formerly Her Majesty’s Theatre; change of ownership in 2022) to see The Phantom of the Opera, which is not an opera.

We find the theatre earlier in the day so we can take some photographs of the building. You can see there is a good variety to the types of characters you might meet on a London street.

This composite photograph does a better job of showing the theatre. Note: online reviews advise that you dehydrate before attending because the bathrooms are small, dank, and nasty. Trust those reviews.

I think this is the actual mask used by the Phantom! He just leaves it here until the very end so folks get a good idea of what it’s like to be horribly disfigured. Myself, I would have drawn eyebrows on it, questioning eyebrows, just to give it more personality.

Notice how, for the logo, they write H and M, and combine the letters to save either the right side of the H or the left side of the M. Classy. I do wonder, however, what they do with that extra piece when they are finished…

The rows are narrow and there is no leg room, like almost all theaters in the world. But, we are here to see a great show, and we don’t care.

We are experienced enough to select seats in an upper balcony, front and center. The object marked “chandelier” is a chandelier that is hoisted during the performance and swings wildly above the audience. 

In fact, the performance is AWESOME and everyone should see it at this theatre.

At the end, the curtains close and the orchestra continues. We are allowed to video. We do.

Shopping in London

We were told that you go to London to shop and you go to Berlin to party. They were right.  (More on Berlin in a future article.)

Getting around in London is easy. You go to a tube, show the turnstile your credit card, get on your train, go somewhere, get off your train, show the turnstile your credit card, and leave the tube. Ta-da!

Directions from our place to Sai Sai are easy.

If you are in London and do NOT go to Sai Sai, you will regret it. We spent, well, too much, but it was worth it!!

They conveniently put all the cool clothing stores in the same area. How very, very thoughtful of those Brits.

But there are other establishments we pass along the way to our destination.

Platinum Lace seems to be a bit maintenance-deferred. Well, there must be someone who calls it their Home Away From Home. We elect to not enter.

This is kind of like naming your store “The Western Art Theater” and having it abbreviated everywhere. Well, at least it gets noticed.

We are not sure what they are selling. “Men’s” and “Women’s” makes sense, but “Fly fishing” is an activity and “dogs” are an animal. Do they not sell other kinds of fishing equipment? Do they have a kennel in the back?  We did not investigate.

We read this as Pleasured Rome. But it is Pleasuredrome. It is a place for homosexual men who are a bit hairy and work out. Which you might have been able to tell from the posters.

I waited a bit for this bloke to move, but I guess he wanted to be forever associated with Soho’s Original Adult Store. Good for him!

Okay, yes, we did eventually get to the stores and bought items at Cyberdog and Sai Sia.

Click on the image to see what the shopping experience is like. Note that it has sound. The girl, at the end, with blue hair, is an employee. Which is nice.

And this brings us to the end of our short but wonderful time in London. Come back next month when we travel to Barcelona, Spain!

Cheerio!